Brent has been posting. Not with any ferocity, but what he lacks in frequency, he makes up both in terms of posting heartfelt messages and, more to the point, posting several of them when he does post. In contrast, I'm just not particularly motivated to do so. At least more often than not. But my contemplative husband's recent posting spree at least prompted me to check in with the blogosphere.
So hi. What's to tell? Well, in the last nearly eight months, my body has turned into this:
Yeah. Says a lot, doesn't it, that picture?
And it's not like I don't have any thoughts on it -- it's nearly all I can think about (or talk about or write about in e-mails to friends and family) -- it's just that I don't know where to begin when it comes to putting it down for the world outside to consume and digest. I'm nearly 90% through my first pregnancy, and the experience is so much greater than the sum of its parts that to kvetch about discomforts and complications (backaches, gestational diabetes, etc.) or to rave about the upsides seems so dismissive of the entire experience. I'm growing a person. I wish for her sake I could explain what it's been like. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like this isn't the proper venue in which to do it.
I've always said that the best way to piece together the various goings-on in my life is to read my personal e-mails in chronological order. I've never kept a diary. I'm not much good at this blogging thing. Virtually no one really writes letters longhand any longer; I certainly don't. While I certainly have every hope of describing for my daughter to be what this pregnancy has been like, assuming it ever occurs to her to ask, and while I'm certain that I won't remember it accurately if I don't write it all down, I haven't gotten to the point where I want to publish what I'm feeling. Not on a daily basis, and not even in weekly or monthly retrospectives.
I certainly express myself more quickly when I type text than when I write it out. I usually express myself more clearly when I type than when I speak. I certainly process (and remember) the written word more easily than I do things told to me. But just because I prefer to communicate by tapping keys on a keyboard does not mean I have no choice but to blog.
I'm entering into the end of one significant period in my life -- a pregnancy -- and about to embark on something so much bigger. I just don't know that I have any desire to share it yet. The fact that I haven't been motivated to post more than I have (and, God knows, when I'm motivated to do something, it gets done; just ask Brent) tells me that this isn't for me. At least not now. Reading blogs? Sure. Discussing them? Absolutely. Writing one? I just don't know.
I don't think that blogging is like trying to ice skate uphill. At least, it shouldn't be. So I am not going to put a lick of pressure on myself to update this for the time being. If the muse strikes, maybe I will return to it. If the year ends and I've nothing more to say in this forum, I'll do my darnedest to delete it, and find some other outlet into which I can better channel my energies.
It was better to have tried than not to have though, right? At least this way I can say I'm not just discounting it for want of having explored the option....
